Conspiracy Theory
by Doctor Meowzie
Summary: Timeskip!fic. In which Kagura's happiness is at stake, and she enlists the help of the only other person she can find. That person happened to be Okita. Currently being rewritten.
1. One

**A/N: **A few wonderful people started writing this pairing, so I decided to join the bandwagon. Characterization had been a problem for me, but this new plot bunny attacking me tells me that I can somehow pull it off. I hope. Especially the romance; I don't think something mushy would ever do the trick, but I'll do my best! And oh, don't worry; I won't be putting a lot of author's notes and crap after this. That being said, I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Gintama and its characters are owned by a genius that goes by the name Hideaki Sorachi.

**Summary**: She went back to her home planet to become an alien hunter alongside her father. Four years later, she visits Edo, looking for a fiancé. But it just so happened that HE was the first person she ran into...

**Pairing: **Okita/Kagura

**Rating:** T for language

**Beta-ed by:** neko11lover (thank you so much, Daishin-chan!)

* * *

Before you read, of course you'd need proper mind set, as well as a clearer view of what had happened, so here goes.

Suppose that at some point in the later parts of the manga, Kagura decided to return to her home planet and join her father in hunting down aliens all over the universe, because before she can even turn fifteen, Gintoki has convinced her to secure her own future as early as now. That path was, of course, one which was more productive than eating sukonbu or going hungry due to poverty, and it's the path that an alien hunter takes. So she had gone home and had undergone some Yato-style training in order to follow her father's footsteps. (And if you're wondering, she brought Sadaharu along too.) After four years, Kagura (with Sadaharu) returns to Edo, though not as an alien hunter… but as a woman in search for her fiancé.

And this is where our story starts.

* * *

**Conspiracy Theory**  
© Doctor Meowzie

* * *

- - -

**ONE - Where the hell was everybody?**

"_That dog looks like it'd bite anyone's head at any moment…"_

- - -

"Okay, Toushi, what's new for today?" Kondo sat down beside the vice commander, who was holding the right side of a newspaper while Kondo took hold of the left; both men scanned the various articles scattered all across the front page, and upon setting eyes on the headlines, the words printed in the biggest font, and on a picture that showed remnants of what looked like a ramen bar that was blown to dust, Hijikata Toushirou immediately paled.

"Kondo-san…"

Kondo Isao scratched his chin lazily. "Hmmm, Prince Hata went home safely now. That's good. Oh, another one of his pets broke out of its container and plucked his antenna out? Even better."

"No, no—ah, that's good news I guess—but no, that's not it. Kondo-san, look more closely. A little to the right."

The Commander of Shinsengumi raised an eyebrow at the next lines he read and grinned widely. "Oh, another panty thief caught? (1) Ah, Otae-san! It's Otae-san! As expected of Otae-san, I've heard it's the fifteenth of the successors of that panty thief from four years ago that she's been decapitating these past few weeks. Oh, wait, there's a new one, so that makes them sixteen. Haha, impressive!"

"No, actually it's the _seventeenth_ in the newspaper. There's been seventeen panty thieves caught so far, Kondo-san. But that's not it. Look, it's the biggest picture you see. And Sougo is there doing the V-sign."

Hijikata seemed to have been unheard as Kondo made his next comment, where the commander looked at him seriously, or as serious as a gorilla's face can get.

"…Toushi, I didn't know that there was another alien attack. Did you hear anything about this?"

Just what you'd expect from the feared and respected higher-ups of the Shinsengumi: an intellectual, strategic, _updated_ discussion like this.

"Huh? No… no, I didn't hear anybody saying anything about that. Damn, where was it?" Hijikata scanned through the article about the most recent alien attack. "Tch. At a host club, huh? What have our men been doing all this time, reading JUMP under a tree instead of patrolling? That's it. It's seppuku for whoever that irresponsible bastard is…"

Kondo nodded and continued, "Oh, but it says that the alien has already been taken care of. Look here, see? 'Prince Hata intended to spend his last night in Edo trying out his charms on various women (Hijikata coughed at this), but miserably failing to do so while earning a few emotion-packed wounds, and some heart-shaped bruises. Thus in an attempt to, as what his manservant tells us, "lock himself away in the darkness, never to return again" (which in human language would mean that he merely desired to cry out in agony because the pain he felt all over his body was worse than that time his poop got stuck at that hole in his ass when he was eight), Prince Baka drowned himself in several bottles of Don Perignon, eventually getting drunk and knocking one bottle of Don Perignon over his pet armazilla…'"

Hijikata stared at the article questioningly. "Armazilla?"

"Yeah. Some alien-breed of an animal called armadillo; only, it looks like something Godzilla gave birth to." For a second, Kondo seemed to look doubtful, but decided to continue reading loudly nonetheless. "Anyway, 'the armazilla getting Don Perignon poured all over its body has triggered a completely unexpected allergic reaction, which resulted in a great expansion of its body, growing a thousand times its size until the whole host club and its neighboring business establishments were destroyed by the humongous armazilla that began to run amok. It was at this exact moment that a Chinese woman clad in red appeared, and with one bullet shooting out from the tip of her purple umbrella, said armazilla went weak on its limbs and seemed to have felt dizzy. With a follow-up punch on the head—a frighteningly powerful blow that had green blood oozing out of the armazilla, the Chinese woman's fist may have been made of iron—Prince Baka's pet alien was knocked out…'"

Two pairs of eyes landed on the small picture of a woman beating the crap out of an armazilla.

Commander and vice-commander looked at each other and blinked.

"So… that Yorozuya China girl is back, huh." Hijikata took hold of his cigarette and blew smoke out of his mouth.

Kondo nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. My my, she really has grown to be like Otae-san! And there's her large pet dog! Haha, it kind of looks a little different here, though…"

"That dog looks like it'd bite anyone's head at any moment…"

"She must be serious with the alien-hunting business. I heard Umibouzu-dono's taking a break somewhere out there."

"Maybe that, or she just dropped by our planet to visit their old place."

"Probably."

They silently went back to the newspaper and chose to read other articles.

…

Then Kondo broke into a heavy sweat and laughed nervously.

"S-So, Sougo did it again, huh?" (2)

* * *

"Here you go, Sadaharu!" Kagura happily exclaimed, throwing a pack of dog food she had just bought from a convenience store with her savings.

Sadaharu caught it with its paws and ripped the pack up with a single stab by one of his fangs. Sadaharu from four years ago looked the same as he did now, as cute as ever. As the _inugami_ (3) fed upon his food with a most satisfying look on his face, the peach-haired girl can't help but grin not only at how her pet dog had managed to retain its cuteness these four years (although she didn't really understand why some people still called him scary), but more so on the fact that the dog was able to endure being under her care for four years and a few months. He was most definitely by far her favorite pet. All other past Sadaharus couldn't last through the night as Kagura would end up killing them with her bare hands, but her current Sadaharu can even keep up with the barbaric training she had been undergoing.

Although Umibouzu initially disapproved of Kagura hanging around with an _inugami_, she had somehow managed to completely tame him; Sadaharu was now the girl's faithful sidekick in the job.

…ah, scratch that 'girl' part. She had already shot up in height, her curves have finally revealed themselves, and she by now definitely wore a bra to make sure her chest won't spill out, so she wasn't a little girl anymore.

Patting her dog on the head, she opened her umbrella. Today was a sunny day in Edo, and seeing as the sun was already high up the skies, it must've already been around ten in the morning.

Biting on a piece of _sukonbu_, Kagura sighed. She just came back last night, and the first thing she had encountered was an alien attack at a host club. She didn't really have any intention to fight any aliens at all, but since innocent citizens were bound to get hurt, springing to action had been a must. After all, Kagura had wanted to change her Yato ways—that instead of fighting to satisfy her innate thirst for battle, she'd fight in order to protect others. (4)

She stood at the rooftop of what had once been her home in the city, idly watching as citizens passed by the roads without even noticing her. What else was there to do? She had been bored ever since she arrived the previous evening.

Kagura was supposed to barge in the general store in a grand fashion she's rehearsed a few times at her own home (and if she's lucky her foot may even land on Gin-chan or Shinpachi's head while she's at it). She did just that, but to her chagrin, nothing but silence greeted her. No one seemed to be around in the Yoruzuya Gin-chan to welcome her back. Why was nobody around? Surely Gin-chan hadn't thought of moving out, had he? The usual appliances were still there, as well as the sign board that was put up outside.

Royally pissed, Kagura had spotted the latest issue of JUMP that Gin-chan must've bought that week and had promptly thrown it out the window. (And then a voice somewhere outside suddenly screamed "OH MY GOD HAMO-CHAN IT'S JUMP! IT'S JUMP!!" Not to say that it was unexpected, but oh well. Good for them. Bad for Gin-chan.)

The prime reason she hurriedly came back to Earth was to ask Gin-chan to do her a favor. Since Gin-chan was a samurai with a silver soul, Kagura knew that she could count on him.

BUT WHERE THE SHEEP WAS HE??

She had thought of asking that old hag Otose about where Gin-chan could be, or maybe that other hag Catherine, but they weren't there as well. Otose Snack House had been empty that night, and still is.

Next she had gone to the Shimura residence. Again, much to her great annoyance, no one was also there.

WHERE THE HELL WAS EVERYBODY??

And more importantly, if they were having a vacation or cruise or what, WHY ON THE DAY SHE ARRIVED ON EARTH?? What bad timing!

…

Kagura was snapped back to the present when her dog affectionately licked the side of her face. Laughing lightly, she turned to Sadaharu. "Would you like to go for a walk, Sadaharu?"

The large dog barked rather cheerfully, telling Kagura that her pet had agreed with her.

Well, if everyone wasn't around, then she might as well not be around too!

She sprung up from her place on the roof and deftly landed on solid ground, Sadaharu following suit, and at that precise moment a loud blast sounded all throughout the area known as Kabuki Town, shattering the peace of the place as residents started bellowing due to the racket. The sound of concrete and wood being smashed to dust didn't escape Kagura's ears, and at the prospect of an alien possibly attacking the civilians of the town, she dashed as fast as she could towards the direction she supposed the explosion had come from, with Sadaharu right behind her and just as fast.

Kagura spotted three police cars when she arrived at the scene—speaking of which, Kagura realized that, upon closer inspection, what was now nothing but a complete mess had once been the dango shop that the Yorozuya had so kindly offered to help four years ago. (5) If it weren't for her, Gin-chan and Shinpachi, that dango shop might've lost against another sweets shopped owned by some big shot Amanto. If that had happened, the old man might've lost his only means of livelihood and go poor!

But now it was blown to dust and was barely anything like a dango shop at all.

What the hell…

"YOU GUYS!" She rashly grabbed one of the Shinsengumi by the collar. The police officer yelped and asked her what was up, but she ignored his question.

Why the hell…

"WHAT HAPPENED HERE, HUH? BASTARDS, YOU CALL YOURSELVES POLICE??" She was shaking madly. Dammit, if the police was around, why were they not able to do anything? The thought of the poor shop owner having lost a business establishment that had been passed down their family for years pissed her off greatly.

The other members of the Shinsengumi, noticing that their comrade was close to wetting his pants, turned to look at Kagura fearfully. With one bare hand she was able to lift a person taller than her by the collar. One of the members of the first squad noticed the purple umbrella she held on one hand and stuttered out, "W-Wait… what? Isn't she…"

Another one gulped. A person who wore Chinese clothes and carried an umbrella could only be someone who belonged to _that_ clan. "N-No way… that alien h-hunter…!"

Who the HELL…

"WHO THE FUCK BLEW THIS PLACE TO BITS, HUH? _WHO??_" She ground out in a very unlady-like fashion.

Her victim then shakily screamed out, "O-OKITA-TAICHOU! We have a p-problem here!!"

"_WHO?!"_

"W-W-Well, it was—"

"Oi, you guys. Let's go. Nothing left for us to—" a voice piped up and stopped, as well the owner who had stopped on his tracks.

Okita Sougo, now four years older, still with a bazooka over his shoulder, sat eyes on Kagura.

Kagura, now four years older, still with her umbrella and her pet dog, sat eyes on Okita Sougo.

And then there was silence.

…

All of the Shinsengumi first squad felt the tension slowly building up, suffocating them with what was sure to be the calm before the storm.

Oh how sure they were that hell was about to break loose.

**TBC**

* * *

**A/N: **Kagura has her own drama, I guess. She must really miss the drama shows on Earth. Hmmm… since this takes place after four years, Kagura is now around 18, Okita is 22, and basically every other character grew older, so I hope you bear that in mind.

AND YES, THIS IS MULTI-CHAP.

Ah, if it's not much trouble, please leave a review. Do tell me if they were OOC or anything. Suggestions and constructive criticisms will be very helpful as well. And I know that there are many questions you'd want to ask about the fic (eg. why Gin-san told Kagura to go home, why Kagura needs a fiancé, etc.), so ask away. More answers will be revealed as the story progresses. Thank you so much for reading! I hope it wasn't made of fail.

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**Footnotes: **

(1) Panty thief from episode 18.

(2) You might recognize that scene from episode 55, or that chapter where Otsuu-chan became the Shinsengumi commander for a day. I decided to use it.

(3) _Inugami – _"dog god", taken from episode 45.

(4) From the Umibouzu arc. I remember that Kagura wanted to change or something…

(5) Dango shop from episode 66.


	2. Two

**Disclaimer: **Gintama is owned by Hideaki Sorachi-sensei.

* * *

**Conspiracy Theory**  
© Doctor Meowzie

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- - -

**Two – Shouldn't they be killing each other off right now?!**

"_Now now, guys, have you ever heard of the line 'all for one and one for all'?"_

- - -

Okita never left his sight on his rival.

Kagura never averted her gaze anywhere else.

Each and every member of the first squad had their eyes nervously locked on their captain, expecting him to charge at full speed towards the girl they had known to be his equal ever since the time they went looking for the beetle Rurimaru years back. Okita didn't budge one bit and continued staring blankly ahead, and so they shifted their gazes at the girl in Chinese gear. Seeing as the peach-haired girl remained immobile they shifted their gazes back at Okita, who remained just as unmoving as she. Then they looked back at Kagura, who still didn't make a move.

Although the two youngsters stood on their place without moving an inch, the way the Shinsengumi would glance at them back and forth made it look as if they were having a tennis match.

The fact that two of the strongest people on the planet were staring intently at one another was unnerving beyond words. Hell would break lose, all right. In a blink of an eye the place that had already been annihilated would be destroyed into something worse than what a million Justaways can ever achieve… oh they just knew it…

But if that's the case, it's quite a wonder why none of them ever thought of running away to safety at this point.

But then at this point, since most of them are avid readers of JUMP, they're most probably waiting for something epic and badass to ensue, because they are still boys at heart and as such they'd want to see something of the same genre other than Bleach and… well, yes, something quite like that.

And so the countdown to destruction silently began in their heads.

5

4

3

2

1

"…oh, it's just you." Kagura and Okita chorused rather flatly.

"And I was even trying hard to remember who you are," Kagura shrugged, letting go of the Shinsengumi member she had threatened, who by now looked like a wrinkled vegetable. "It's just the sadist guy."

"And you think I'd remember who _you_ are, China girl? Oh, wait, I did remember you."

…

'SHOULDN'T THEY BE KILLING EACH OTHER OFF RIGHT NOW??' is written all across the Shinsengumi's faces.

"Still as stupid as ever," she stuck a tongue at him. "Come on Sadaharu, your walk is our first priority." She opened her umbrella and walked towards the other direction with her pet dog.

Raising a brow at her rather controlled behavior, Sougo decided to shrug it off, putting down the bazooka that was sitting on his shoulder and turning to his squad members. "Okay everyone, we'd better get out of here. What's done is done; if we dwell here any longer Hijikata-san will surely order us to commit seppuku and we wouldn't want that now do we—"

"Us? What the hell?? What do you mean by 'us'?! _You_ were the one who blew this place up, taichou!!" one of the members bellowed.

"Couldn't help it," Sougo shook his head, "the suspect refused to come out of the shop so we had to."

"Like I said, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY 'WE'? TAICHOU! You're the one who did it!!"

"Now now, guys, have you ever heard of the line 'all for one and one for all'? I refuse to bask in glory alone—"

His sentence was cut off when all of a sudden, Sougo found himself being lifted off the ground by the collar. His face unreadable, if not emotionless, he glanced at the pale shaking fist that took hold of him.

"What now, China girl?"

Kagura brought her head up to look at him with a face that screamed 'I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING WORSE THAN SEPPUKU KONOYAROOOOO'.

"So you're the one who did it, huh? You bastard."

The sadist didn't waver one bit at her threat. "And? What do you want me to do?"

Kagura continued giving him a look of fury and remained silent as she let her thoughts take over. This idiot never did change, huh. Just because he's the police doesn't mean he shouldn't do as he pleases, like blowing things up or putting innocent people's lives in danger with that bazooka of his. Strangely she felt like a hypocrite for thinking such, but that's not the point. What matters right now is the poor dango shop owner who the sadistic bastard had victimized. He's going to_ pay._

And just as she'd tried her best to promise to herself—that she won't succumb to the Yato's innate violent tendencies—this time, no blood will be needlessly shed.

He's going to pay.

_Literally._

Now that that's decided, she let go of him, much to Sougo's surprise.

Her thoughts suddenly came back to her prime agenda for coming back to Earth.

'_That's right. I need to look for Gin-chan and the others... and I'll need any help that arrives if I want to find them soon.'_

Sougo, who was dusting some dirt off himself, noticed Kagura giving him an irritated glare. Quite so that it looked as if she was going to swallow her pride against her will or something.

"You," Kagura said, holding her umbrella up and relishing under the shade it provides, "need to come with me."

Sougo simply blinked blankly at her, albeit almost disbelievingly.

**TBC**

* * *

**A/N:** Was it okay? I'm really sorry for the delay!! On the day after I submitted the first chapter some of our PC parts sparked and exploded, which was quite unfortunate. Also, I apologize if you find this chapter short. I'll get the next chapter (which will still be told in third person, but this time from Okita's side of the story) out as soon as I can.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter!! And, uhm, **I need an official beta for this fic. **If anyone is interested, please PM me your e-mail address.

(Btw, anyone here who's updated with the manga? Something about the Yato? Yeah. It's getting good. XD)


	3. Three

**A/N:** Hey guys, I'm really very sorry for the delay. And yes, my only alibi would be "I've been busy", so shoot me. Anyway, I appreciate the reviews I've received so far. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to each one, but do know that I'm still alive, and that I just love you guys—all your encouragements mean so much to me. I hope this chapter makes up for my previous lack of updates.

A million thanks goes to my beta, **Salty-Storm**, for proofreading this chapter. (Somehow I have more confidence on this chapter because of you, SS-chan~! Thanks!)

**PS to Druid-Chan.**_ Konoyaro_ is often translated as "you bastard"/"you asshole"/anything along those lines. I noticed that Gintama characters say it often, so I used it in the previous chapter in an attempt to make this fic seem more Gintama-ish… although my attempt probably didn't work lol.

**Disclaimer: **Gintama and its characters © Hideaki Sorachi

* * *

**Conspiracy Theory  
**© Doctor Meowzie

**Three – Are you going to help me or not?**

_All his life, Sougo had never wanted to blast all of Edo into smithereens as much as he did now._

* * *

Approximately ten minutes has passed and, after practically being dragged by Kagura all the way to the destination the girl had in mind, Sougo found himself seated at a fastfood joint, blinking at the ridiculously tall pile of plates that were beginning to form a tower right in front of him. The person seated on other side of the table ate at an equally ridiculous speed, blissfully eating up every bit of food that sat on her plate(s) and almost unceasingly shoving large amounts of food to her mouth, one large helping after another.

Sougo really couldn't understand why the China girl wanted him to tag along. The only reason his common sense would find sensible would be the girl wanting to inflict pain on him, though strangely not the usual physical fight-'til-you-drop kind he'd expect from her. Now he suspects that she simply wanted him to drool at watching her eat— it's probably a new strategy she'd learned. But he wasn't even hungry at the moment, added to the fact that what she's now eating (dango, ramen, and burgers) were, to him, not quite as appealing to the stomach as the type of food he could afford (steak, pasta, and pastries) with his earnings.

Thinking this, the Shinsengumi squad captain almost snorted. The girl really doesn't pay attention to details, does she? China rarely ever hesitates and always does what she wants, as if that's how the world naturally works. This part of her strangely reminded him of the Yorozuya danna, which didn't surprise him, what with the uncanny quirks and chemistry those two idiots had in common. Besides, he got the feeling that they'd been like that in the first place—exactly why the Yorozuya would always effortlessly wreak havoc everywhere they go… and oftentimes clash with their very own Shinsengumi in the process.

Now that he thought about it, the whole unspoken rivalry thing was rather quite silly. That doesn't make the Shinsengumi any different from them, now does it?

(…speaking of danna, he realized that he hadn't seen the dead-fish-eye perm lately—Sougo briefly wondered if the Yorozuya boss died somewhere while he was busy trying to accidentally kill Hijikata-san.)

Ah, screw this.

So much for his all too nonsensical thinking, he didn't even have the time to be sitting around staring at someone eat like she'd been starved in some desert for days. He had more important things—_duties_—to do as a Shinsengumi captain, and, well, this somehow involved his trademark sleeping mask, if his wide yawning indicated anything at the moment…

Ah, wait, didn't he want to test the new poison he had recently imported from Europe? Surely putting it in Hijikata's next cup of sake (with mayonnaise) will accomplish his goal once and for all. And the sooner he puts his plan to action, the better.

"China," he started to talk, and he was certainly trying hard to keep a straight face while looking at Kagura shove a whole burger to her mouth. "Oi, China." He repeated, seeing as the alien seemed not to hear him and continued to eat blissfully; and just a second ago he swore that the pile of plates on her side was just about a foot shorter than it was now.

He sighed in an annoyed fashion before picking up a bowl of ramen sitting innocently on the table and throwing it at Kagura's face.

Random chattering died down a bit as almost every other person in the fastfood joint gave them weird looks.

Kagura stilled, and then glared through the strands of noodles that partly obscured her view of the sadist sitting across her. Said sadist was smirking very smugly, clearly enjoying the mess that was her face. Absolutely furious, she abruptly stood from her seat and started to yell, all the while ignoring the many whispers and odd looks that came from the onlookers at the fastfood joint. "WHY YOU—"

Just as she was about to start strangling him, Sougo stood up from his seat as well and spoke once again, this time in a somewhat dismissive tone.

"Save it, China. I'd love to play with you again, but I don't have time for this." He started to make his way to the door. "Now if you dragged me all the way here with no important reason whatsoever, then I definitely don't need to stay here any longer—"

"Huh?—Hey—W-Wait!!!"

Annoyed, he stopped and looked back over his shoulder. "What?"

"I…" Kagura started to say, and Sougo saw how irritated and hesitant she looked once again. Her face looked so sour it's as if she had a whole pack of _sukonbu _shoved down her throat. This must be her face when she decides to smack her pride away, and it amuses him to a certain extent.

"I-I need your help," she finished, her face contorted into an even more sour expression—now Sougo being the natural sadist he is would have given anything just to intensify the already painfully sour look on the Yato girl's pale face, had it not been for the fact that what China had said perked his interest enough for him to momentarily forget his evil mini-plot.

It took a while for it to click in his mind, though. And when it did, he blinked disbelievingly.

This sadistic monster of a woman… needed _his_ help?

Him, of all people?

"Oi," he deadpanned to cover up his disbelief, "You didn't eat anything your doctor forbade you to eat, did you? Or was it something about the food you ate just now—?"

Kagura's sour expression instantly faded, only to be replaced by the familiar pissed-off face that Sougo had somehow, for lack of better words, _missed._

"—You really want me to bash your skull, you bastard? I'm the one trying to ask for help here! Tch. Forget it." Kagura took her umbrella with her and began to leave, placing a handful of money at the counter she passed as payment for her meal (the girl behind the counter backed away at the aura Kagura was emitting and nodded nervously when the seemingly Chinese girl muttered "Keep the change").

Although he did think that his assassination attempt(s) on Hijikata was top priority as far as his desire for the position of Vice-Commander is concerned, Sougo admits that he couldn't ignore China's plea for help either. This was unexpected, but it got him interested. Besides, Kagura actually swallowing her pride for once emitted a smug, triumphant feeling within him, as if he'd just been crowned king and she was kneeling before him—the least he could do was reward her and give the aid she supposedly needed. Man, was he feeling kind today or what?

Kagura did not spare Sougo a single glance as she passed by him and kept on muttering darkly to herself. "I knew it. No good, huh? Can't say I didn't expect this though. Who could stand an asshole like him—I guess I'll have to ask somebody else then—"

"Aaa~ahhh, maybe assassinating Hijikata-san can wait after all~" Sougo's sing-song voice cut her off.

A nerve popped up on her temple, and just as she turned to look back at the sadist to start sprouting profanities unbefitting of a girl, an arm forcefully hooked itself right under her chin and proceeded to drag her outside the building by the neck.

"OI—WHAT THE HECK—LET GO OF ME BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD—OWWW! SAVE ME SADAHARUUUUUUUU!!!"

* * *

Kagura had dragged Sougo all the way to some fastfood joint several minutes prior to now, so Sougo felt strictly obliged to return the favor—this time by dragging the China girl all the way from that commoner fastfood joint to some family park. This was considerably better; the mood back in the fastfood joint put him in unease, especially since the place was cramped and crowded.

They sat a meter apart at a park bench. Sougo blinked blankly at the glare that Kagura has been shooting him sideways from when she had grudgingly sat there to this very second. It slightly surprised him though—since when had she resorted to glaring when dealing with him? Was she holding back? If it had been four years ago they'd have already reduced the area around them to dust in no time.

(Maybe she took a course on Basic Human Ethics? Ah, what the heck—no matter how he puts it, the mere idea is laughable.)

For the meantime he settled on the notion that China was behaving carefully so she won't get on his bad side. After all, she _did_ ask for his help, and he never said that he disagreed, did he?

"China, China, don't you think it's about time you spoke up?" he asked to break the silence.

"Huh?" Kagura blinked, "Oh, right." And then her expression darkened. "Tch. You still piss me off."

Sadaharu, who had been sitting on the pavement beside her, barked at him as if saying, 'Yeah, you piss me off too.'

"I'm surprised though," Sougo casually admitted, "I didn't think I'd be the person you'd run to when you needed something. Don't you have danna or megane for that? Or did you guys get into a big fight before you left the planet?"

"Shut up," she huffed defensively, "I didn't even remember you existed, not until I saw you blow a whole place up with your crazy bazooka. And you got the last one totally wrong. Anyway…" She suddenly frowned and creased her eyebrows as she continued, "I've looked everywhere but I can't find Gin-chan and Shinpachi. Even ane-go, that old hag, Catherine and Tama… I can't find them anywhere!"

She was raising her arms—her frustration was getting evident, like she was the losing party at a game of hide-and-seek.

"Do you have any idea where Gin-chan is?" she asked him, pouting.

Sougo wordlessly blinked at this.

"Ah, no, I don't," he stated flatly.

Veins popped as her iron hand instantly shot forth and grabbed the front of his coat.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?! YOUR BLUNTNESS IS AWFULLY SUSPICIOUS, YOU BASTARD! YOU LEFT HIM TO DIE ALONE WHEN I WASN'T LOOKING DIDN'T YOU?!" She shook him forcefully. Ah, China. She never changes, especially when it came to danna.

Sougo didn't change too—in fact, it still pissed him off whenever China goes and gets all 'Gin-chan' this and 'Gin-chan' that, as if Gin-chan is the only reliable guy in the planet (or universe).

Since he felt as if looking at Kagura only pissed him off all the more, he turned his head to one side and pointedly avoided meeting her glare. "Danna isn't my responsibility, China; that's megane's job," he deadpanned in reply. "He's not some kid, so quit acting like nanny. It's annoying."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"Like I'm going to repeat what I said, idiot—" Sougo paused briefly before he rolled his eyes and sighed. "You heard me; I haven't seen danna lately, so I don't know where he is… but I think I last saw him a week ago."

Kagura loosened her grip on his coat as soon as he finished talking. She threw herself back to her seat and, surprisingly, quieted.

"No way…" She looked awfully… pitiful; even desperate, with that crushed expression on her face. "…Stupid Gin-chan. Stupid, stupid Gin-chan."

'_Ahhhh, hear that, danna? She thinks you're stupid. Really, really stupid.'_ Sougo mentally scolded him._ 'Awww. China looks as if she needs you badly. And she looks like she's about to cry. I thought you disliked a woman's tears more than anything? Seriously. You're the one who should be dealing with this idiot, not me.'_

Sougo sighed. He didn't have time for this. He'd always liked torturing Kagura—kicking her sorry ass and beating her up would always make his day back then—and at the same time he regarded her as his worthy rival, but somehow the crushed face that he's seeing right now didn't sit well with him at all. What was more oddly unsettling is that he felt like he just _couldn't_ walk out and leave her to angst alone. Didn't he always just smirk at her and leave her alone whenever she lost against him in a fight, not pitying her in the least bit?

'_Darn it. Where's the alien girl with monstrous strength? Who's this person? She looks like China but at the same time _not_ China, not at all like her. Heavens, please give her back, _right now_. I'd rather get beaten up by her than have to deal with this troublesome thing that looks like her. Oh, and danna, it's your fault I get stuck in this, so I'll be having your head on a golden platter next to Hijikata-san's the next time I see you… '_

His thoughts dissolved as soon as he noticed Kagura slowly raising her head and looking at him… with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, sadist," she said rather impatiently, "Tell me, are you going to help me or not?"

"Depends on your favor," Sougo said simply, "…and the situation. But I can't say I'm happy to help."

"Oh." She hung her chin weakly and gave Sadaharu a pat on the ear. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to tell you the situation, then. You see, Papi and some old geezer from some other Yato family agreed to have their children marry. It's an arranged marriage. That old man has a son and a daughter, too, and since my good-for-nothing older brother whose whereabouts remain unknown is definitely out of the question, _I'm _the one who has no choice, who has to marry a man I don't even know and has to go through this whole ordeal."

Given that he was a natural at being completely indifferent in even the toughest situations known to mankind, it would certainly be odd to see a wide-eyed Sougo gaping in surprise, especially after hearing someone say "Hey dude, I'm gonna get married." like they're only talking about the weather.

However, that certain oddity was exactly what Kagura's seeing in front of her right now as Sougo wordlessly stared at her and said, "Wait—so you're… you're _betrothed_?"

**WHAM!!!**

"DON'T LOOK AS IF THE FACT THAT I'D SOON GET MARRIED IS UNBELIEVABLE, YOU ASSHOLE!!! Gah, you seriously piss me off!!!"

"Right, sorry," Sougo half-heartedly apologized while nursing his bleeding nose. In truth, he wasn't _that_ sorry; heck, he may not have been sorry at all. There was no way he could hide his surprise at what she told him and _how_ she told him the news (she was disturbingly calm, damn it!). His incredulous face was proof of that. China? Betrothed? Hah. _Impossible._

…and yet, by just looking at her regained composure and serious face, Sougo knew otherwise.

She wasn't lying.

"Can I continue now?"

"Sure, go on." Thankfully the bleeding wasn't severe and he could still talk properly.

"Even if I stick the tip of my umbrella up his nostril or try to hide all his wigs so he can't wear them, Papi won't tell me why they had this whole arranged marriage thing going along. That baldy, he thinks he can get away with forcing his own daughter to marry a total stranger. But it's not like I can't defy their decision!" She suddenly looked all fired up. "He doesn't have faith in my skills as a woman—that _must_ be it! And I'm proving him WRONG!"

Sougo nodded, beginning to understand. "So you came back to Edo to—?"

"—look for a fiancé of _my_ choice, of course!"

A fire of determination was dancing in her eyes. She seemed so eager to prove herself to her father and the old geezer she spoke of.

"Besides, Papi and Mami were forced to marry each other; that's why they ended up being unhappy. But I'm _definitely_ not going to end up like them!"

She looked straight into his eyes and pointed a finger at him. "And YOU'RE helping me, right?"

Sougo was silent as he contemplated on this. His face was unreadable, passive as always, but a hurricane of scenarios and what if possibilities were coming in and out of his head all at once. There were the pros, the cons, the positives, the negatives—but he could only make out the parts saying that being her mock fiancé would be _very, very interesting._

And playing along her plot to go against those among the strongest race in the universe? Definitely worthwhile.

He felt his lips tug upward.

'_This is going to be VERY amusing.'_

"If a fiancé is all you need, then okay. I'll help you."

It was Kagura's turn to do an incredulous face. She seemed surprised, to have gained the cooperation of the sadistic bastard she had always hated. But nevertheless, China beamed gratefully at him, her grin practically reaching her ears. It's the first time she gave him this particular happy face of hers—the kind that had no trace of sadism or malice in it.

"Great! I owe you for this, sadist! Now let's look for Gin-chan. I'm sure he'll agree to be my fiancé!"

His smirk vanished.

'_Wait—WHAT?!'_

"Wait wait wait—am I missing something here?" He felt as if something that was just beginning to form at the back of his head suddenly fell apart.

"Huh?" Kagura blinked and scowled at him. "Don't tell me you weren't listening! You're willing to help me look for a fiancé, right?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought—"

"—and Gin-chan's the only one who can probably pull it all off perfectly well! _Pretending_ to be my ideal fiancé, I mean. Plus, Papi knows Gin-chan too, so he won't really disapprove, would he? All I need to do is look for him, and you're helping me with that."

Sougo stared at her _real hard_.

His mouth was twitching. His eyebrow was twitching. Heck, his hand was twitching, too, as if it's itching to get hold of his bazooka, wanting to aim at something badly. He felt incredibly stupid and was pissed off _big time_. And China's bright, smiling face did nothing but further aggravate his growing annoyance.

Before this he had always believed that Hijikata, Mr. Pestilence in the Flesh, was the only walking nuisance in this world, and that his life can only be perfect if the fates finally determine the day of Hijikata's eventual extinction. But today, in this bench, in this park, at this time, Sougo realized that there was somebody else who can be as remarkably infuriating as that bastard. And that aforementioned person was just there, oh so dangerously there, _grinning_ at him.

All his life, Sougo had never wanted to blast all of Edo into smithereens as much as he did now.

Problem is, he didn't know who he wanted to obliterate first— China, danna… or himself.

**TBC**

* * *

Notes (just in case):

• Sougo refers to Gin-san as _danna_ — fansubs and scanlations would translate this as "boss" or "sir".  
• _Megane _means "glasses" (as in eyeglasses). Obviously that's Shinpachi.  
• Kagura calls Otae _ane-go_, which probably means "big sister". Or uhm… you know how you'd call a female mob boss? Yeah, in that sense (I think). It's like the female counterpart of _aniki_ ("big brother").  
• Papi = Umibouzu

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Thanks for reading!


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